Father’s view: what does he mean for a boy?

About how the mother’s view of the mother affects the child. The father’s look in psychology was given incomparably less attention. But he plays a huge role in the formation of the personality of the child. And especially – boy. About this – the essay of the psychotherapist Joseph Burgo.

I often recall one episode associated with my father. Then I was seven years old. I don’t know how much this is my memory in fact, but I remember my emotions very well. Mom then left for Texas for my grandmother’s funeral. My other grandmother – from the side of his father – came to us, because he himself did not cook, did not clean and did not engage in children.

My father was an architect and worked at home. Work took him a lot of time. That Sunday I ran in the backyard. I don’t remember that it was some kind of special game. I just ran and ran in circles until my breath was strayed from such a load and it was not too hot. At that time we lived in the area of Big Los Angeles, and the day turned out to be sunny and warm.

Over the sliding glass doors of our Patio, the father laid out a set of drawings on the table. Because of his profession, the drawings were a constant part of our life: they lay in the back seat of his car, on the desktop in the office, in the kitchen. I still remember the clear blue ink color, their chemical, slightly ammonia smell and smooth surface of the paper.

Feeling that I was overheated, I opened glass doors and went to Patio. My father’s gaze remained attached to the drawings. “I think I have a temperature,” I said. – You can check?”Interestingly, people now say” I have a temperature „, although they mean” I have overheated „?

Without looking up from the drawings, dad touched my forehead. Hand on the forehead is a classic way to check if the child has temperature before getting the thermometer. “You are just hot because of running around,” the father said. And never looked at me.

This memory fully reflects our relationship. I always wanted his attention, demanded this in different hidden ways, and never received. This episode is also associated with the desire to be seen. Many studies have shown how strongly the mother’s view affects the development of the personality of the child. We can say that the child sees his reflection in the motherhood.

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about how important the father’s gaze is for the personality of the child. In my experience, this manifests itself at a later age. Perhaps this is characteristic of families of traditional way – where the fathers spent less time with children, because they devoted themselves to their careers and the provision of family. Although I heard similar stories from several young customers.

I’m talking about fathers and sons, but daughters also need the attention of dads. Just recently, I have come across this problem precisely from men. The inability to be seen by the father affects not only the formation of their personality, but also a feeling of a full -fledged man in adulthood.

In particular, I think about one client in the age of thirty. His father was a very successful person or, at least, gave such an impression among others. My client – let’s name his set – entered a prestigious university, works in a high position with a good salary, but still feels that he lives in the shadow of his father. He is afraid that in fact is not at all such an effective leader that he just managed to deceive everyone.

Set with father now live in different cities. At a recent family dinner, Seth’s father sent messages and letters from his mobile all evening. Like my father, he never looked at his son. Seth felt invisible. And angry. He said something sharp and sarcastic, his father answered in the same manner.

Their relationship reminds me of the times when I was a teenager and also provoked my own father. At least he talked to me when I took him away. Albeit not with the most pleasant expression on his face, but he still looked at me.

My older brother once said that he did not remember a single moment when he and his father spent time together. No fishing, no football, no reading. Nothing. While resting in nature, my father went

Iako su najpoznatiji psiholozi, najčešće se žene razvijaju mnogo brže od muškaraca (posebno to se može primijetiti u posljednjim školskim tadalafil cijena stoga nije iznenađujuće ako ne osjećate nikakvu razliku u dobi sa svojom voljenom. Pored toga, imat ćete približno jednako životno iskustvo, što će vam olakšati izgradnju zajedničkog života.

to fish, and I followed him, and he even taught me to correctly plant a bait. But I still remained on my own. I got up early, like a father, and these morning hours were our only joint pastime. But we didn’t talk. Father’s gaze was attached to newspaper articles, and I read the book.


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